Beware the International Criminal Communist Pervert Immigrant Iranian Conspiracy

by Clayton Anderson III
The Bohefus Gazette

I cannot begin to adequately express my loathing of the spineless liberal. This inability may result from the fact that the words necessary to describe him have been systematically erased from the English language by his minions in academia and the world-government media. George Soros has performed a hostile takeover of our means of communication, and all adjectives that pertain to his kind have since mysteriously disappeared.

I only reiterate the obvious, readers, because my disgust has recently been whetted by my discovery of a frightening and abominable development. With whatever scraps of language remaining, I must enlighten you to the existence of this Conspiracy, the latest in an endless series of abhorrent insults heaped upon the dwindling ranks of the righteous by the degenerate liberals and their bloodhounds.

Just yesterday, while monitoring liberal propaganda on cable channels 1 through 1000, I was treated to a story regarding the turnout of the homosexuals and other infernal denizens of San Francisco, supposedly "numbering thirty thousand," to vociferate against the Great War. That's right, my loyal readers, once again the perverts and their debased abettors stand to blaspheme our brave warriors performing God's work in the barbaric foreign lands. I nearly suffered a heart attack upon subsequently viewing the footage of these slovenly hordes, waving banners in an utterly foul, anarchic freak show.

Of course, it was hardly surprising that the media had manufactured another sycophantic tribute to a mob of traitorous deviants rioting in the streets of California, and I nearly changed to the next channel. Just then, however, the liberal henchman operating the camera mistakenly panned away from the fiend-transvestite contingent towards a group of dark-skinned agitators nearby, instantly recognizable criminal immigrants and Iranian agents. Then it hit me: the Mohammedans were actually in control of the rest, directing their immigrant and pervert attack dogs from the rear, and probably the cameraman as well.

It is becoming increasingly obvious that this Conspiracy, orchestrated by a cabal of homosexuals, communists, parasitic criminal foreigners, Iranians, and the residents of San Francisco, aims to immediately hijack and destroy our great country. Of course, we can count on the liberal media to suppress all evidence of the Conspiracy, so I have taken it upon myself to spread the word to my fellow upstanding citizens.

It is hard to say how far the Conspiracy has yet reached, but the facts indicate the worst. A representative from San Francisco has already seized Congress, by various heinous means. Furthermore, the Supreme Court has been thoroughly corrupted. Upon researching the matter, I have discovered that over the past few years the high court has quietly repealed the last remaining anti-sodomy laws in the nation. These moves effectively make homosexuality absolutely legal in all fifty states. We have been stripped of legal recourse against the homosexuals, and now have nothing short of vigilante action to keep them out of our neighborhoods and away from our children.

Consider the following. Recently, a high-ranking Iranian official appeared in New York for a meeting with several world-government officials from such countries as Syria, Cuba, Mexico, and the Netherlands. He was received at Columbia University, a snake pit of international liberalism, where in an address he specifically denied any relations to organized homosexuality. That an Iranian can travel to America with impunity proves that every law enforcement agency in the nation has been compromised, and that he can lie so transparently about his cooperation with the people in San Francisco demonstrates that he already considers himself untouchable. Their agenda is clearly far progressed.

Make no mistake about it, my friends, America is now under attack. Because of our trepidation, Iran has been allowed to strike first. With the assistance of the anarchist sexual deviants and immigrants in California, their agents have infiltrated the highest echelons of our government. Meanwhile, their vassals in the media have been instructed to unleash a brainwashing campaign aimed at undermining the war effort and the President, who seems to be the last remaining bulwark to world domination by the sophisticated criminal pervert communist immigrant Iranian cabal. Millions of meticulously-prepared liberal propaganda pieces have saturated the media, actively and retroactively embedded in every book, movie, television show, and news report in existence. It will be difficult, in the coming months, to discern who stands with us and who against us, given the apparent labyrinthine tactics of our adversaries. One thing we can count on is that their ways will be mysterious, and their aims totally nefarious, and our only hope lies in the aggressive pursuit of their destruction wherever they may rear their ugly heads.

God Bless America.

Clayton Anderson, III, is the Bohefus Gazette's conservative commentator. He resides at an undisclosed location. He may be reached by a short-burst transmission on frequency 17480 kHz at exactly 1435:42 hrs. on May 19, 2009. He may respond, conditions on the ground permitting.

Bohefus Gazette's 10-Day Weather Forecast

Monday

Mostly cloudy, afternoon t-storms.

H: 80F L: 70F

Tuesday

Mostly cloudy, afternoon t-storms.

H: 82F L: 74F

Wednesday

Mostly cloudy, afternoon t-storms

H: 85F L: 77F

Thursday

Weasel cyclone. Secure all valuables.

H: 89F L: 80F

Friday

Class-5 hurricane warning.

H: 90F L: 85F

Saturday

Tornado watch. Small-trailer advisory.

H: 94F L: 87F

Sunday

“And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.”

Genesis 2:2

God Bless America.

Monday

Cloudy, afternoon t-storms.

AIR QUALITY ALERT: Chance of a methane bubble from Hog Tusk Gulch.

H: 97F L: 89F

Tuesday

Cloudy, rain, afternoon t-storms.

Good muddin’ weather.

H: 100F L: 98F

Wednesday

WATER QUALITY ALERT: Flaming oil slick in Hog Tusk Gulch

Flying leech infestation expected

H: 102F L: 100F

The Bohefus Gazette-- Excerpts From the Diary of Cletus Theodore Buckhorn, Esq.

Cletus Theodore Buckhorn passed away early yesterday morning when his Chevrolet Camaro overturned and exploded on SR 120 near Bohefus. Though his blood alcohol level was determined to have been .354 at time of death, Bohefus Police Cap. Duane Covington says that the accident was the result of Mr. Buckhorn swerving to hit a chuck weasel, which broke the vehicle's radial arm and sent it into a spin. "Cletus was such a drunk," says Cap. Covington, "A thirty-five [tenths of a percent blood alcohol level] probably meant he was pretty sober."

Mr. Buckhorn will be sorely missed by the Bohefus community. He is remembered for his gregarious manner and can-crushing exploits, says longtime girlfriend Sally Myer. "That 'Maro was his life," she says, "he died doing what he loved."

He is also survived by the couple's newborn daughter, Crystal.

Below are excerpts from Mr. Buckhorn's diary, reprinted with the permission of the family.

11/18/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro.

11/19/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro.

11/20/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro.

11/23/07
Dear Diary,
It has been several days since we last spoke.
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro.

11/24/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Tried to take a shit, but a hemorrhoid popped out, so I pushed it back in.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro.

11/25/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a burning hot shit.
Drank some beers.
Almost got the Camaro runnin, but it looks like the Thorton blower blew out.

11/26/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Took the Ram down to Pisgah to get the triple cat-back exhaust for the Camaro.

11/27/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Outta beer. Shit, gotta get some for the days out.
Werked on the Camaro.

11/28/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Toilets clogged. Gotta get under the trailer again.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro.

11/29/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Drank some beers.
Beau came over and we shot the shit.
Took a shit.
Worked on the Camaro.

11/30/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit. Damn toilets still clogged but when you gotta go you gotta go.
Drank some beers.
Worked on the Camaro.

12/1/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro. Clayton didn’t say the damn radial arm was broke when he sold it to me! I’ll still drive it though.

12/2/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Took the Camaro down to the SSI office and pick up my check. She’s runnin sweet!

12/3/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Changed the oil in the Ram. Looks like its gonna take a while to soak through the lawn.
Clayton came over and we shot the shit. Said he’ll get me that radial arm soon as he gets that job down in Pisgah.

12/4/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Camaro. She aint runnin no more. Looks like the trany’s blown to shit too.

12/5/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Emptied the tranny fluid outta the Camaro. Looks like its gonna take a while to soak through the lawn.

12/6/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Clayton came over and we shot the shit. Says he’s gonna get me that tranny fixed soon as he gets that job down in Boligee.
Werked on the Camaro. Looks like the rear differential has been runnin dry for a while.

12/7/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Sally came over and said she’s pregnant by me again. All I got was beers, so I gave her some.
Werked on the Camaro.

12/8/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Decided to sell the Camaro back to Clayton. My angle is the things so damn messed up it aint worth a dime. But I didn’t tell him that!

12/9/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Took a shit.
Drank some beers.
Clayton came over and we shot the shit. Says he’ll get me that money for the Camaro soon as he gets that job down in Slocomb.
Ram broke down. Looks like the heads are blown.

12/10/07
Dear Diary,
Got up.
Toilets clogged. Gotta get under the trailer again.
Drank some beers.
Werked on the Ram.