The Donut Chipmunk Whale Dog

The Year of Our Lord Two-Thousand Eight has been Good to Us. The harvest has been bountiful. We intend to celebrate with a Thanksgiving feast of Leviathan proportions.

Though there shall be countless peripheral dishes at our feast, including a strong borscht, the central course shall consist of nothing less than the Donut Chipmunk-Whale Dog.

The recipe begins with a petite alpine chipmunk, no larger than a human fetus miscarried after three months (not including the tail--chipmunk tails are gamey). This carcass we will carefully debone with a pen knife. Into its body cavity we will place a slender chunk of muenster cheese marinated in truffle oil.

We will stuff the chipmunk into the body cavity of a quail. This delicate concoction we will wrap in a weave of bacon slices, bread in egg yolk with donut crumbs, and deep fry in a vat of pure lard and butter.

The breaded quail we will then stuff into the body of a small hen, similarly deboned. The hen we will stuff into a duck, the duck into a turkey, the turkey into an emu, and the emu into a boar. Each of these layers we will wrap in a weave of bacon slices, bread in egg yolk and donut crumbs, and deep fry in lard and butter.

The boar will fit nicely into a goat, the goat into a calf of the most tender veal. The calf shall go in a yak, the yak into a woolly mammoth from our vast personal hunting grounds in Dinotopia. By this time, we'll be deboning with a four-foot chainsaw, albeit one with a fine blade. Once we weave bacon around the woolly mammoth, bread and deep fry it, we will stuff the mammoth into the body cavity of a grey whale, procured from the choicest whale farm in the land. Throughout the process, any remaining cavities between the carcasses we will fill with a mix of sausage, hamburger, and provolone cheese.

Inside the Leviathan's mouth we shall construct an intricate gingerbread house bejewelled with candied ginger and fruits and chocolate mints, soaked in frosting, chocolate sauce, and daffodil honey, and dusted with confectioner's sugar.

This entire behemoth we shall bread in pure Apatosaurus-egg yolk and apple fritter crumbs, the apple fritter baked with ten times the quantities of sugar, butter, and whale-milk called for in the recipe, and deep fry in a lake of boiling lard, bacon fat and whale-milk fat. Then we shall wrap the Leviathan in donut dough, glaze it with a thousand gallons of corn syrup, and bake it for three hours at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. The oven we shall fire by a forest of the finest hickory. An army of trolls will man the bellows.

The fat that bubbles out we shall baste the Donut Chipmunk-Whale Dog with via great pumps. Any excess fat we shall mix into a fine cream gravy. The cream gravy we shall serve in great vats.

It shall be a prodigious mountain of animal flesh and fat. We shall devour it all with a trident and broad sword. The woolly mammoth will hold it all together. The muenster chipmunk relleno will be like a gem in the center, soaked in the grease of eleven carcasses. Praise the Lord.

You are not invited.